Season 14 rolls on with "Twenty Seven", an episode about machete murders in DC that occur every 27 minutes. Is it stupid or is someone trying to make a dumbass point? Both! Meanwhile, Prentiss gets the least charismatic love interest ever. Good thing we cover these out of order so we already know this romance ultimately goes nowhere. MENDOZA!!!!! (That's his name, not just a Simpsons reference.)

It's time to stare at the sun, by which we mean return to watching Sony's Spider-Man without Spider-Man movies. 

I guess the episode title spoils the twist. Oops. Otherwise it's a pretty typical Criminal Minds episode, which is to say it's not good. And there's a Garcia subplot. Why even live anymore.

Season 14 slog continues on with "Rule 34", which, yes, we get it. It's terrible but we get it. Somebody is sending body parts in the mail to random women and if you guessed a predatory homosexual was behind it, congratulations. Also, one of Simmons' 17 kids gets in trouble at school and who could possibly care. It's another week in the mines for your boys at Deliver The Profile.