In what may be the dumbest episode of Criminal Minds we've yet covered, "A Thousand Words" is about a guy who calls in a suicide...his own! He turns out to be a serial killer with crappy full body tattoos that are key to solving the case. Dean Norris guest stars. The hosts feel the real doldrums of December podcasting, when video games, snow and movies about aquatic men beckon.

Back to basics as Deliver The Profile delves into "Magnificent Light", an episode about a self-help guy who probably causes more damage to the world than the serial killer who's obsessed with him. If that's not enough, the killer is one of those people who can naturally produce LSD, so he can see words! Witness the worst glowing word effects on television since Ghostwriter. Also witness the slow, plodding progress made in Season 8's interminable Replicator storyline. It allows the hosts to make fun of Mark Hamill's physical appearance so it's all good.

Happy Holidays (but NOT Merry Christmas) from everyone at Deliver The Profile!

That title means what you think it means: another Suspect Behavior episode. "Smother" has neither Smothers brother in it and instead has missing moms, inappropriate moms, breastbiting, video game playing, phone eavesdropping and vigils that shouldn't happen. The hosts are feeling good because it's the first time recording since SCOTT WALKER LOST RE-ELECTION. Celebrate good times, come on.

Wouldn't you rather be sleeping? That certainly is the case with "Awake", a Season 11 yawner about a man who's searching for his daughter and will prevent people who may know something from sleeping. This is thematically rich territory because J.J., fresh off maternity leave, is ALSO sleep-deprived. A J.J. episode. WONDERFUL. Be sure to listen all the way to the end, because this podcast has a special clip of Morgan and Rossi making fun of Reid that is well worth hearing.

Episode 106 represents a turning point for the podcast. The hosts' bemusement at the CBS procedural's continuance into its third presidential administration has turned to outright disdain following an explosive piece in Variety about the show's longtime director of photography being a known nutgrabber. (LISTENERS OF A SENSITIVE DISPOSITION: consider skipping the first 40 minutes of this podcast if you don't want to hear two straight white guys talk about sexual harassment at length.) After that it's a dive into an early episode of Criminal Minds, "LDSK". It shockingly managed to lift Ronnie and Jazz's spirits with its mockery of Reid, introduction of Paul Giamatti's brother and a cameo by Night Man himself.

This was recorded right before a Brewers playoff game, so if things seem rushed and haphazard then that is the culprit. This week Ronnie and Jazz anxiously eye the clock while discussing "Heathridge Manor", which for Deliver The Profile and Criminal Minds may as well be the Halloween show for the year, despite it being mid-November for the podcast and Criminal Minds originally airing it in April. This hour has it all - Robert Englund NOT playing a wise cracking murderer, Kyle Gallner DEFINITELY playing a deranged creep and the shittiest paintings you'll ever see a prop department put out. Uh, I guess the hosts talk about Venom shitting out of his mouth? It's difficult to remember. It was PLAYOFFS SEASON, give us a break.

Business as UNUSUAL at Deliver The Profile headquarters with this episode, since "Psychodrama" contains elements that are a relative rarity. It has the original cast (that means Jason Gideon and Elle What's Her Name) and the unsub commits robbery and sexual assault, two things that are not too often seen on Criminal Minds. The unsub robs banks and makes anyone there strip. It's a lot less sexy than it sounds, and it doesn't sound very sex to begin with. Also, Hotch is a bad father and...nothing he does in the episode really remedies that, though it does give him an excuse for some righteous anger. If you're listening to this the day it comes out, remember to VOTE IN THE BIGGEST ELECTION EVER! Unless you plan on voting for Republican candidates, in which case stay home. If Scott Walker fucking wins reelection this is going to very quickly become a bourbon review podcast and then an examination of bullet and skull crossovers throughout recent history. Honestly, though, if a Criminal Minds review podcast is what prompts you to participate in representative democracy you probably either shouldn't vote or have had those rights stripped from you by the state.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, go vote, because if a big city liberal hectoring you to do it won't compel you, nothing will.

It's a truth self-evident that ride sharing services such as Uber and Lyft exist only to rape and kill. (And that's just what they do to their employees/independent contractors/jail cover! Womp womp.) Criminal Minds puts that into practice with "Drive", a Season 11 yawner in which a driver is killing people. Or is he merely POSING as a driver? Who cares, really. The hosts sure don't, instead taking the opportunity to break out some truly horrific Boston accents for this Boston set show. Speaking of which, did you see that fuck Manny Machado fall down to end the World Series last night? It was fantastic! Don't expect any of that to be addressed on the podcast; this was recorded a while ago, and even then critiques of ride share were out of date.

The Brewers lost to the fucking Dodgers and life is meaningless. But you don't care about that, do you? You care about the new episode of DELIVER THE PROFILE! This time it's an entry into uncharted waters: Season 13! Who are all these new people? Why did Paget Brewster get replaced by a pod person? Is Joe Mantegna gradually becoming some sort of Tamarin? The reason for this episode is summed up in the episode title (of the podcast; the show's title is "Lucky Strikes"): Jamie Kennedy Returns. We did our take on the original appearance way back in a technical problem filled Episode 8, and it's been ten years of Criminal Minds since Kennedy's Leatherhead-esque cannibal made people eat BBQ made from missing women. What's he up to now? It's certainly something STUPID.

It's back to normal for Deliver The Profile, as Ronnie and Jazz discuss "Closing Time", a boring episode of vanilla CM that doesn't even have the courtesy to use either the Semisonic song or even the instrumental off Tom Waits' album of same name. Boring normalcy is the point, though, as "Closing Time" is a Criminal Minds classic straight from the seventh season, about a guy cutting dicks off, wrapping corpses in plastic and shoving them in a lifeguard tower. Who can't relate to that scenario? Meanwhile, Hotch wants to get laid after years of nothing thanks to a cold fish wife, a divorce and then that ex-wife getting gutted by a serial killer.

More importantly, Ronnie bought the Home Improvement Complete Series boxset. 2 episodes of HI down, 202 to go!

Here it is! After nearly three years, Deliver The Profile (your ONLY Criminal Minds podcast) hits 100 episodes! Except we also did episodes that didn't count in the official numbering. Forget those! It's NUMBER ONE HUNDRED, BABY! We're hoping the milestone distracts from the fact that it's an episode of the Jack Garrett Imperialism Power Hour, aka Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders. "Type A" features a phoned in cameo by Paget Brewster and takes the IRT to Thailand, getting justice for a friend of Prentiss' and Seager's that has never been mentioned before and will never be mentioned again. This one's for you, [looks down at notes] Lisa!

Thanks to everyone who listens to the podcast: you help make this possible. Tell your friends! Tell your enemies too, it doesn't matter!

It's a sign that this episode of Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior isn't very interesting (besides it BEING an episode of Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior) when Ronnie spends a good portion of the 80 minutes just recapping movies he's seen recently, such as Bringing Down the House and Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. "Nighthawk" is about a man who beats ugly guys with glasses to death with a baseball bat, but instead of this being hailed as public service everyone's least remembered team of profilers try to track him down. It's downright impossible to muster any kind of enthusiasm for this as Deliver The Profile marks time until its 100th episode.

Oh, and there's also a dog at the recording, in case you couldn't tell.

Think of this as saving the best for last: "It Takes A Village", the finale to the Doyle saga, premiered in the fall much like this episode of Deliver the Profile. Ronnie and Jazz discuss cast changes, the stupid retcons to Prentiss' backstory, the sense of anti-climax and how the BAU is seriously corrupt. Feel good, gentle listeners, for Prentisspalooza is OVER.

Penultimate Prentisspalooza is a momentous one, as Paget Brewster leaves the show for the first (but not the last) time! It all comes down to this...and it's pretty disappointing, just a lot of a woman being tortured and, indeed, a SECRET SON introduced within the last 15 minutes of the episode. Ronnie and Jazz discuss a lot, from Seaver's ineptitude to what Doyle REALLY did to be on the American government's most wanted list. Don't worry. It'll be over soon.

Part 7 of Prentisspalooza comin' at ya! Yes, it's been almost a month since a new episode. No, there's no compelling argument for why it took this long to come out. The dog days of summer, everyone. Anyway, "Valhalla" kicks the Irish subplot into...gear...as Prentiss archenemy Doyle finally does things besides enter and exit modes of transportation. Is it an improvement? Not really. But Paget Brewster gets to do a lot of 'worried expression' acting, and she's damn competent at that.

There's no two ways about it: Season 6 is godawful. "Coda" is in the running for the worst episode of the series, and that's not just because the crux of it involves Reid bonding with an autistic boy in order to solve the case. Ronnie and Jazz make the most of it by analyzing the dumbest shit in the episode, go on a riff that reduces them both to tears and get into a spirited discussion on whether or not North Korea is in fact a paradise. Plus: Prentiss and this arc's villain finally have a face to face after THREE episodes of setup. It's just as disappointing as you'd expect.

Sorry for the delay, but hopefully this episode being over 2 hours long will make up for it! In "Today I Do", the profilers must find a self-help devotee who goes too far in helping wayward women, while Ronnie and Jazz discover the greatest character since the Meat Pimp, Lyle. Meanwhile, the Prentiss storyline slowly moves forward, Seaver continues to be a dumbass and Rossi screams at Major League 3 star Corbin Bernsen. It's amazing the hosts wrung over 130 minutes of material out of this.

It's that time again: Suspect Behavior week! Prentisspalooza is taking a break in favor of nobody's favorite 2011 spinoff starring an Oscar winner and the chick from Reality Bites. In “Jane”, a man who looks a lot like another podcast's host, commits heinous bodily mutilation while the Red Cell squad team group try to figure out what her name and identity is. Guest starring a couple (other) guys from The Shield. As always, venturing out into the uncharted Suspect Behavior territories leaves the boys wishing they were back in the warm embrace of the mother show. At least this episode marks the more than halfway point of Deliver The Profile's Suspect Behavior coverage. The light at the end of the tunnel is visible!

Have you ever wondered what would happen if Travis Bickle participated in the plot of Perfume? Wonder no more, for "Sense Memory" provides a reasonable approximation. Prentisspalooza rolls on as Prentiss is curious about her apartment's security, we meet an important side character, and we're subject to an incomprehensible flashback. Meanwhile, Ronnie managed to cut out all of his coughing from the episode so as to trick the listener into thinking he's not dying of consumption.

What better way to kick off Prentiss' interminable Irish storyline than an episode about alcoholic spree killers? "The Thirteenth Step" is widely considered one of the series' worst...by fans of Criminal Minds, so that translates to it not being that bad. Ray Donovan (not Liev Schreiber) and the girl from the Wonder Woman pilot are killing convenience store denizens and child molesters across the Midwest, and it's up to a team of no blondes to stop it. As is custom, there's also a lot of off topic talk, like why Garcia is the Slimer of Criminal Minds and the one surefire way to get Ronnie back to drinking.

Reid also goes, but including him would impede the catchiness of the title. In an odd turn for Criminal Minds, "Lessons Learned" is about the BAU trying to thwart a terrorist attack, because apparently their purview consists of 'all crimes'. Prentiss must prove her mettle to stand shoulder to shoulder with the big boys, and she does it...supposedly. Ronnie and Jazz mourn a beloved Criminal Minds supporting character, tease a summer project that might not actually happen, and as always circle conversations back to Spider-Man.

Morgan Madness is OVER, say hello to Prentisspalooza! For the next few months, Deliver The Profile will be delving into the most beloved of Criminal Minds' dark haired ladies, beginning with her debut episode, "The Last Word"! It just so happens she does nothing in it, only appearing in the first and last scene. But there's two unsubs, one of whom is a corpse fucker, does that make up for things? No? Well, you can't win 'em all.

It's April Fools Easter, so that means Jesus is still dead and loving it. Nobody's moving that rock. That also means Deliver The Profile goes off format - a week after also going off format - with a 2 hour long plus dissection of Nicholas Brendon's masterpiece of filmmaking, Pinata Survival Island, aka Demon Island, aka Pinata Island, aka Island Demon Pinata Beach Party! A pinata awakens and kills Which is worse, the little man costume or the CGI pinata? Is a $20,000 panty raid the dumbest fucking idea ever? What's Garrett Wang doing here? How convoluted is the premise? All this and a long discussion on when the show is allowed to be sexist.

Thank the maker, for Morgan Madness has finally ended! After more than a month away, Deliver The Profile gives the fans what it wants: a podcast not about Criminal Minds. Yes, Ronnie and Jazz delve into the first episode of Shemar Moore's new show, S.W.A.T., the third and it's safe to say dumbest attempt to make the premise work. Is the head of a police unit really who's going to heal the racial divide in Los Angeles? Are there really rival S.W.A.T. teams? Will the appearances of actors from The Shield result in Ronnie constantly bringing up The Shield? Most importantly, will the hosts hate this as much as Criminal Minds? The answer may surprise you!

Ronnie spills his club soda and that's about all that happens in "What Happens in Mecklinburg", a location that does not in fact exist. There's precious little to talk about despite a person in a pig mask, a person in a pig mask wielding a taser and relitigation of the sordid bacchanal we call college life. The end is in sight for Morgan Madness, people. It's the penultimate one.