It's a truth self-evident that ride sharing services such as Uber and Lyft exist only to rape and kill. (And that's just what they do to their employees/independent contractors/jail cover! Womp womp.) Criminal Minds puts that into practice with "Drive", a Season 11 yawner in which a driver is killing people. Or is he merely POSING as a driver? Who cares, really. The hosts sure don't, instead taking the opportunity to break out some truly horrific Boston accents for this Boston set show. Speaking of which, did you see that fuck Manny Machado fall down to end the World Series last night? It was fantastic! Don't expect any of that to be addressed on the podcast; this was recorded a while ago, and even then critiques of ride share were out of date.

The Brewers lost to the fucking Dodgers and life is meaningless. But you don't care about that, do you? You care about the new episode of DELIVER THE PROFILE! This time it's an entry into uncharted waters: Season 13! Who are all these new people? Why did Paget Brewster get replaced by a pod person? Is Joe Mantegna gradually becoming some sort of Tamarin? The reason for this episode is summed up in the episode title (of the podcast; the show's title is "Lucky Strikes"): Jamie Kennedy Returns. We did our take on the original appearance way back in a technical problem filled Episode 8, and it's been ten years of Criminal Minds since Kennedy's Leatherhead-esque cannibal made people eat BBQ made from missing women. What's he up to now? It's certainly something STUPID.

It's back to normal for Deliver The Profile, as Ronnie and Jazz discuss "Closing Time", a boring episode of vanilla CM that doesn't even have the courtesy to use either the Semisonic song or even the instrumental off Tom Waits' album of same name. Boring normalcy is the point, though, as "Closing Time" is a Criminal Minds classic straight from the seventh season, about a guy cutting dicks off, wrapping corpses in plastic and shoving them in a lifeguard tower. Who can't relate to that scenario? Meanwhile, Hotch wants to get laid after years of nothing thanks to a cold fish wife, a divorce and then that ex-wife getting gutted by a serial killer.

More importantly, Ronnie bought the Home Improvement Complete Series boxset. 2 episodes of HI down, 202 to go!

Here it is! After nearly three years, Deliver The Profile (your ONLY Criminal Minds podcast) hits 100 episodes! Except we also did episodes that didn't count in the official numbering. Forget those! It's NUMBER ONE HUNDRED, BABY! We're hoping the milestone distracts from the fact that it's an episode of the Jack Garrett Imperialism Power Hour, aka Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders. "Type A" features a phoned in cameo by Paget Brewster and takes the IRT to Thailand, getting justice for a friend of Prentiss' and Seager's that has never been mentioned before and will never be mentioned again. This one's for you, [looks down at notes] Lisa!

Thanks to everyone who listens to the podcast: you help make this possible. Tell your friends! Tell your enemies too, it doesn't matter!