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Deliver The Profile

The Only Criminal Minds Podcast, hosted by Ronnie and Jazz
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Deliver The Profile
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Now displaying: Page 1
Jun 18, 2022

The boys' trip to Chicago concludes in a weird episode about an unsub killing at the behest of an Internet radio show. Hey, we don't write this shit. Potentially more interesting is a subplot in which Rossi meets with his third ex-wife because she wants him to attend his daughter's wedding. The thing is, the husband to be might be an unsub in the making. Can Rossi stop the wedding in time? Seriously, we're doing this.

Jun 11, 2022

Ronnie and Jazz go to the movies, and this time it's the abominable locust themed film Jurassic World Dominion. To quote William Hurt in A History of Violence, "HOWWWW do you fuck THAT up?", that referring to a movie about dinosaurs in an uneasy coexistence with humans? Listen to the podcast to find out!

Jun 1, 2022

"Where's Hotch?" is over, so the boys are taking a two part trip to Chicago baby, Chi-ca-go. In "The Return", children are being recruited by some sort of boogerman to commit violent crimes against the police. This is stupid for a number of reasons, as Ronnie and Jazz will point out in the podcast, but "The Return" is an opportunity for Morgan to return to his old stomping grounds. Remember the time he got framed for serial murder and had to admit he got banged by Carl Buford? Good times. It was a better show back then; now we're in the doldrums of Season 9. Finally, Ronnie shares some really messed up trivia about one of the episode's guest stars. It's worth listening to, folks.

May 26, 2022

"Where's Hotch?" comes to an end and finally Ronnie and Jazz can stop with the Season 12 episodes already. "Elliott's Pond" is about some kids who go missing in a case that resembles an earlier child abduction. Wrapped up in all of this is Neil Phipps, the creep from Eagleheart. Will they find the kids or will their pictures end up on the "unavenged" side of the room? Find out on the latest Deliver The Profile.

May 15, 2022

In "The Anti-Terror(ism) Squad" the most vulnerable of us all are targeted: bullies. Will the Mindsers stop the threat to our treasured bullies or will, as is what usually happens, a bunch of people die until they ultimately stop an unsub that's holding someone at gunpoint?

Ronnie tries to convince Jazz all this episode is missing is the mythical creature the minotaur.

May 8, 2022
Ronnie tells Jazz about the time he went to go see the latest Marvel masterpiece, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.
May 8, 2022

"Where's Hotch" continues with a tale as old as time: the collector of body parts who starts chucking them everywhere. Who is he, and does he have a brother? That's what the BAU intends to find out, and Ronnie and Jazz just want to make fun of the whole process.

Apr 24, 2022
Ronnie and Jazz do an episode of Criminal Minds about the craze sweeping the nation: incest. In "Taboo", the unsub wants to fuck his mother, and his mother wants to fuck everyone due to her brain damage. It's complicated.
Apr 17, 2022

Here it is, folks: the final episode of Aaron Hotchner's storied FBI career. Of course it wasn't designed that way, which the hosts will delve into over the course of "Sick Day", which nominally is a JJ episode. I know, I know, but we'll get through it together.

Apr 12, 2022

Ronnie and Jazz review a sicko for adults only film, Sonic the Hedgehog 2.

Apr 1, 2022

The boys review the most anticipated film of 2022, Morbius.

Mar 13, 2022
Deliver The Profile is FINALLY back to, well, delivering the profile with the Season 11 finale, "The Storm"! How was this not Hotch's exit? What exactly do the writers think anarchy is? Do "serial killer wings" of prisons exist? This episode confounded the boys, so expect more questions. Also: Ronnie got a new TV and Ronnie tries to explain NFTs to Jazz.
Mar 5, 2022
Ronnie and Jazz forgot the premise of their own show so it's another movie episode. This time it's THE BATMAN, the 70th film adaptation of the DC Comics character created by Bob Kane and Bob Kane only. Why does Riddler look like a Trailer Park Boys character? Why does Catwoman look like Aubrey Plaza in Ingrid Goes West? Why does Penguin... why does Penguin? Listen to this nearly 2.5 hour podcast dissecting this junk pile of David Fincherisms. Or don't. But I guarantee you it's not as long as this fuckin' movie.
Feb 28, 2022

Ronnie and Jazz finally wrap up the Saga of the Womb Raider.

Feb 20, 2022
Ronnie tortures Jazz by making him watch, and then talk about, the adaptation of one of his favorite video game franchises. Ronnie tortures himself by watching a movie anchored by Tom Holland and Mark Wahlberg. No one wins, except you, the listeners.
Feb 13, 2022
The boys review Roland Emmerich's latest, Moonfall. Is this the dumbest movie ever? Yes. Is it also entertaining? Yes.
Feb 9, 2022

Ronnie and Jazz spend 40 minutes discussing the implications of Paramount Plus' revival of Criminal Minds getting a second wind.

Jan 29, 2022

Rossi teaches an undergraduate class about the Womb Raider in "Profiling 101", a format breaking episode that reminds us that format breaking doesn't necessarily mean good. Why name an unsub after a Tomb Raider porn parody? Also: Ronnie and Jazz went to see Scream aka 5Cream. That it wasn't its own episode or minisode speaks to how non-essential it was.

Jan 23, 2022

A few weeks ago I screwed up and mislabeled an episode as #211. Well, this is the actual 211, folks. "Bully" sees everybody going to Blake's hometown of Kansas City to solve some beating murders in which the victims are dressed in women's underwear. Someone's hunting J. Edgar Hoover!

The podcast runs a little short so time is spent on Ronnie and Jazz discussing the possibility of Ronnie owning a monkey.

Jan 16, 2022

Well, BAU Disassembled ends with the cast cast to the four corners of the Earth. Reid is teaching, Rossi is helping out on a film set, Lewis is helping out Mulder and Scully in couples counseling (no really), and Prentiss is on the rat squad. What could force the team back together? Well, a contrivance that none of them could individually tackle on their own, of course. Ronnie and Jazz are just happy another "theme" "month" is done and dusted.

Jan 9, 2022

The penultimate entry of BAU Disassembled occurs as "Annihilator" sees Linda Barnes (Binda) go out into the field to mess things up for the gang. A house of roommates and their companions are slaughtered. Who did it? Who cares, really, as the case is a means to an end: showing Binda is incompetent. Ronnie and Jazz suffer through the incompetence for you.

Jan 1, 2022

A-plot: Corpses are piling up in N'Awlins, the city that encourages all manner of vice up until the point of addiction.

B-plot: Prentiss goes to the principal's office.

Exciting sounding, doesn't it?

Dec 25, 2021
Ronnie and Jazz review "Cure", part 1 of BAU Disassembled. Enjoy the holidays, whichever it may be!
Dec 19, 2021


It's here! It's finally here! We're of course referring to the second episode of Menom on Venom, the occasional Deliver The Profile spinoff that deals with all things goopy and first personal plural usage. Since Venom DOES appear in the 138th MCU film, SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME, it is our sworn duty to give it a critical bashing. And this 150 minute nostalgia fisting deserves a bashing.

How shortchanged was Rhys Ifans? Why stop with a Sinister Five? Can the jokes cease for one fucking moment for some earnestness? Is the Thomas Haden Churchissance upon us? When did Happy Hogan become a pivotal member of the Spider-Man supporting cast? IS THE ENTIRE MOVIE A GREENSCREEN?

Find out the answers to these questions, as well as the return of Jazz's Food and Drink Corner, in a podcast almost as long as the movie itself!

Dec 11, 2021

Ronnie and Jazz must contend with the Slender Man before there was a Slender Man, also known as "The Tall Man". What does it have to do with JJ's long dead sister? Why should we care? Has this show's effects budget been slashed to garbage or what? Finally: how offensive is this episode to what happened with Slender Man in Wisconsin? The hosts will try to answer all these questions and more on an ALL NEW Deliver the Profile. Well, mostly new. The opening and closing themes are the same.

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