For the finale of CHILDREN IN PERIL month, Ronnie and Jazz tackle Beyond Borders Season 1 finale "Paper Orphans". Set in Haiti, the episode is about a couple keen on adopting a Haitian boy lose their biological child during the night. But the hosts spend most of their time on tangents regarding spinoffs, Jack Garrett's illegitimate children and whatever else resides in the grim recesses of their minds. Does the episode make for a decent de facto series finale? God no. It's a, uh, good thing the show was renewed for another season...
We've got another kid in peril on our hands in "Seven Seconds", a Season 3 episode from that weird period between Gideon's departure and Rossi's arrival. The entire thing takes place in a mall, basically, and that means one thing: arcade games! Because it's 1994. It at least gives Ronnie the opportunity to talk about his favorite film, Mirrors. Besides that, there's a cognitive interview, brothers played by real life brothers, confused search and rescue dogs, a guy from The Shield and a not so subtle allusion to the time Morgan totally got molested. It's what good DTP episodes are made of, folks.
Kids In Peril Month rolls on as it's time for Once Upon A Time...in Hollywood star Julia Butters to get kidnapped and for the BAU to learn an important lesson about disruption adoption. Or something. It's Mississippi, Los Angeles and the unsub or unsubs belong more on Justified than on Criminal Minds, so take what you can get. "Gabby" breaks the format for a Criminal Minds episode and reminds the audience why that format is there in the first place.
Ronnie and Jazz return to Season 1 as part of KIDS IN PERIL MONTH with "What Fresh Hell?", an episode about, well, a kid in peril. Billie Copeland has been abducted by a guy with a van and a leash and nobody knows what to do, least of all her bickering parents. Can the BAU save Billie before the all-important 24 hour mark? It's television, of course they can and will. Morgan tackles a guy with cancer, Gideon gives the creepiest possible answer to the question "is that your family?", and Elle is stuck on mothering the mother duty. All that and a dead junkie prostitute that exists solely for a fake out makes for an exciting episode of Criminal Minds. Remember, this is Season 1, back before all emotions regarding the show were not subsumed by grim obligation.
In "Out of the Light", Hotch becomes a youth soccer coach with Rossi as his assistant. It's stupid but more valid than anything else that happens in the episode, which takes the gang to North Carolina and sees them delving into a case of missing and abducted women. Which creep is responsible this time, the peeping tom photography teacher or the stained glass guy? Who knew a small town would even HAVE a stained glass guy. Most important in this podcast is Ronnie and Jazz's discussion of ther new lawsuit to rock Criminal Minds. Will Greg St. Johns actually pay for his ballgrabbing? Here's hoping.