It's the holiday season, and since the boys blew through all the Criminal Minds holiday episodes, that means it's time to see how the Ninja Turtles were crowbarred into the season! Why would anyone want to watch the Turtles sing? Why is Leonardo a racist now? What the hell is Splinter? Also: your hosts open up their Christmas presents in a heartwarming display of mutual toleration.

Listen as Ronnie and Jazz do their best to talk about anything other than Season 2's "P911"! They talk crash test dummies, they talk Maury, they talk about a lot of issues that distract from the episode's gross pedophilia. Who gives a fuck if Elle is back at work? Is this Katie Cole meant to be a preexisting character? This was supposed to be episode 50 until someone realized nobody mentioned it was episode 50 in the show proper.

You've been waiting for it: Ronnie and Jazz talk shit about Martin Luther King Jr. Er, wait, no, start again. You've been waiting for it: Episode of 50 of Deliver The Profile! It's a lavish affair; Jazz is drinking a beer and Ronnie is drinking tap water. "If The Shoe Fits" is about a woman whose engagement with fantasy turns homicidal, but this isn't about someone who compares Hillary Clinton to Game of Thrones characters. It's a miracle the two manage to create nearly 2 hours of entertainment from what is known as a "J.J. spotlight episode". Also: Ronnie finally gets to discuss Single White Female's best kill.

It's time to die, or more accurately time to do an episode of everyone's least favorite spinoff, Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders! This one takes us to Egypt, and wouldn't you know it, there are camels, pyramids and the Sphinx. And gays! "Denial" raises so many questions. Why the fuck are they assaulting viewers with an unnecessary Garcia appearance? Does every unsub on this show have to commit suicide? Who let the jamoke who wrote the New 52 Suicide Squad have a network television job? Plus: Ronnie and Jazz pitch a TV show.