In our Christmas episode, Deliver The Profile talks about that time Morgan got molested. "Profiler Profiled" forces Shemar Moore to stretch his acting talents to their limit and the results are not pretty. When not trying to spin comedy gold out of child molestation, Ronnie and Jazz discuss the Blair Witch, exchange Christmas presents and try to figure out what the Civil War was really about.
In Episode 80 of the show, Ronnie and Jazz discuss "True Night", the story of Frankie Muniz drawing comic books that happen to depict actual murders. Is he the unsub? Of course he is! Fans of Frankie Muniz be warned, the hosts are not kind to him or his attempts at dramatic acting. Wolf and gatormen abound in this episode that the Criminal Minds people were very proud of according to the Season 3 DVD. Their word cannot be taken seriously if they're proud of anything related to this shitshow.
Deliver The Profile continues their look at almost decent episodes of Criminal Minds with the Mitch Pileggi starring "Normal". Along the way, Ronnie and Jazz make fun of Australia, Jay Leno and bemoan the delay of The Weinstein Company's film Polaroid.
Talk about Season 1's "The Popular Kids" is derailed as Ronnie cannot keep from coughing. We apologize for the shorter than usual episode and hope the fact that the first 18 minutes are about Nicholas Brendon's latest run in with life compensates at least a bit.
We should've never spent three consecutive episodes in Korea. I'm sorry. This is the last one for a while. Beyond Borders' "Pretty Like Me" isn't pretty but does confirm to us that Koreans LOVE plastic surgery. Simmons searches for his Korean grandma and we don't care.
Two hours of "entertainment" for you this week! The second episode of Korean Criminal Minds picks up where the last left off, with Ha Sun-woo was run over by a car and an unsub on the loose. Throughout the multiple hours, Ronnie and Jazz discuss Tru Calling, Early Edition, whether it's good or not to bring up dog eating on a podcast about Korean television, and occasionally even talk about the TV show that is the supposed subject matter of their podcast.
It's the 75th episode spectacular, people, and have we got a surprise for you. DELIVER THE PROFILE IS COVERING THE FIRST EPISODE OF KOREA'S CRIMINAL MINDS ADAPTATION. Listen to hosts Ronnie and Jazz struggle to pronounce Korean names multiple times! Thrill as they learn the stark differences between the North and South! But really, just listen to it. It's worth your while.
It's season finale time for Criminal Minds' tenth year, but that doesn't mean Deliver The Profile is taking any time off. Besides the delay for this episode caused by a power outage, of course. "The Hunt" puts Jennifer Love Hewitt's very own niece-daughter in danger and serves as a swan song to a character the hosts have regarded as "not Prentiss". This episode features a Garry Chalk lookalike, a trafficking ring consisting of three people, the fat guy luck charm J.J. Abrams uses and a Morgan tackle you've got to see to believe.
In the Deliver The Profile episode covering Criminal Minds' penultimate Season 10 episode, “Protection”, Ronnie reviews the bootleg Night Man DVD set he bought at a comic book convention, the hosts give each other space names, and a piece of trivia leads to what Ronnie calls “the single most hilarious death I've ever read about”. Also, the Criminal Minds episode ends on a cliffhanger so that means you get to know exactly what the show's covering next week.
“Broken Mirror” is an early episode of Criminal Minds, and it might be the best episode of the show? It definitely isn't the best episode of the podcast – there's some audio issues and Ronnie is even lower energy than usual. But if you make it through the thing you'll get to hear about identical twins, that season of Ninja Turtles where they went to Europe for some reason, Nicholas Brendon's twin and some other shit. Sorry for this lousy description, I'm kinda pissed off that I just found out about a Birthday Massacre concert that's happening tonight.
This episode of Deliver The Profile, covering Season 8's "The Wheels on the Bus" has it all: discussions about video games, bad Nicholas Brendon impressions (are there any other kind?), ruminations on "the drinking days", complaining about the Milwaukee Brewers and a CRAZY FAN THEORY that definitely should become true. Come on, it's Criminal Minds trying to do a video games episode. It's gonna be funny.
Ronnie and Jazz barely talk about the Beyond Borders episode "The Lonely Heart" because there's really not that much to talk about. Instead they review Walter Hill's The Assignment, discuss the implications of the planet of the apes and resolve to not cover another episode of Beyond Borders for a while.
After a nearly month long hiatus, Deliver The Profile is back to talk about one of their favorite topics: Jerry Orbach's eyes. That's because the episode "Anonymous" is about a man trying to kill his way through the organ donor process. Meanwhile, Rossi's Vietnam buddy dies and we all pretend to be sad. Jazz's taste in beer is questioned and Ronnie reveals why he's not an organ donor. Didn't you miss this? This whatever the hell this is?
Episode 200, folks! No, not of the podcast, but the show. Criminal Minds. It's an extravagant affair that contains guest appearances, flashbacks and someone threatening to rape a main character. But that's not all the boys discuss! There's the creation of a PODCAST BEEF, an exploration into how Louis C.K.'s sex crimes could be mitigated, Criminal Minds' total lack of exploration into the War on Terror and how a supposed J.J. spotlight episode still manages to sideline her and do a disservice to her character. All this and a return of a special drunken friend.
Deliver the Profile is back to its regular schedule after a series of irritating delays. Returning to the Ballad of Joe Mantegna's Vietnam Buddy, "The Road Home" is also about a homeless vigilante raising hell in Drew Carey's Cleveland. Witness him gun down drug manufacturers, wife beaters, joggers and all the rest of society's detritus. It's certainly more interesting than the homeless alkie reconnecting with his son that the rest of the show wastes its time on. This episode also provides updates on all the firings, hirings and spinning off that have happened on Criminal Minds this summer. Why read TV news websites when you have Deliver The Profile?
A summary of the episode we watched for this edition of the podcast: "A trip among the homeless inspires Rossi to finish his dedication page". Expect a LOT of jokes about the homeless. If you are homeless and are offended by this podcast, please write in and explain why you are able to listen to the show.
Jazz killed a woodchuck and that means everybody has to talk about an episode of Suspect Behavior, "Devotion". Witness the first meeting between Sam Cooper and Penelope Garcia! Learn the importance of DC City Council races! Who has a secret family? Who DOESN'T want a secret family?
Deliver The Profile heads to San Francisco with "True Genius", which is either about a return of the Zodiac Killer, Reid's career woes or a one-sided homosexual love affair. To be fair, any story set in San Francisco is usually one of those things. The hosts get into why the show bringing up a real serial killer is questionable, how blatantly ridiculous Reid's intelligence is, why the show has celebrity cameos and unearth the origins of Ronnie's stop snitching stance.
It's been a while since we headed into Spinoff City, population 2, and for good reason: they make vanilla Criminal Minds look good by comparison. Episode 5 of 2011's disasterpiece Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior has the non-team team track down a bomber who suffered a horrible loss. Ronnie and Jazz cope with the horrible loss of several hours of their time by talking about Pee Wee Herman, Spider-Man and, as always, Ronnie's poor financial decisions. Plus: The podcast's Suspect Behavior DVD finally pays off as the boys find out "Here Is The Fire" could've been a very different episode indeed with the addition or replacement of certain scenes.
Lillard fever grips the Deliver The Profile basement studio as the podcast talks about Season 8's "The Apprenticeship"! Why does a mustache make Wing Commander actor Matthew Lillard so much creepier? Is it possible to set an episode in Florida that doesn't devolve into Dexter references? Why the hell does Reid have to play on the whole FBI's softball team? Then there's the tangents, which include a long discussion about the inherent scariness of kids with progeria and Cheers' pornographic past.
We fucked up with this one, boys and girls. The episode about "The Perfect Storm" was recorded during a storm, and for some reason during some lightning strikes the equipment fucked up and we lost several minutes of audio. You'll know it when the Deltron 3030 instrumental starts up. Rather than record a whole new show, we give you this one and hope you understand.
In this episode of the podcast, it's a battle of Reid's and Aubrey Plaza's wills as they have a dinner/hostage negotiation in the culmination of the Season 11 hitman storyline you never cared about in the first place. What's Reid's problem this time? Why can the writers never come up with a female motivation better than 'daddy issues'? Is JJ completely useless? Also, the hosts talk about rape in comedies, John Waters and wish a certain choker of women a very happy birthday.
Ronnie and Jazz cover perhaps their favorite kind of Criminal Minds episode, the mad scientist episode with "Future Perfect" from Season 11. Someone in Florida is conducting medical experiments to keep the elderly alive and it involves blood swappin', animal DNA and meeting coeds at cemeteries. It's a great jumping off point for discussion which leads to Ronnie debuting a new impression and the duo discussing their future plans for noted woman choker Nicholas Brendon.
Not a dream! Not a hallucination! Not an imaginary story! Ronnie and Jazz went to the cinema and wound up wasting hours of their lives on Power Rangers, from the same people who brought you Big Bad Beetleborgs and Ninja Turtles: The New Mutation! Why is this Power Rangers without Power Rangers? Where's the fat guy who runs the juice bar? Why bull semen? It's a confusing mess that makes The Breakfast Club into Chronicle and it's analyzed in excruciating detail. This podcast is longer than the movie, but at least this podcast doesn't kill the dinosaurs.
On this dark and stormy night (of recording), Deliver The Profile goes back to Season 3 to tackle "Identity"! It's got a killer who blows himself up in the opening credits, a copycat, an obstinate group of Montanans and manifesto torture videos so shocking it gets Garcia to finally shut the fuck up for once. The usual off-topic nonsense applies, with digressions into Dirtworld, bullying and Power Rangers being just some of the tangents. Listen to two guys talk about watching a TV show rehabilitate the FBI's reputation from Ruby Ridge! Or don't. We'd prefer it if you did, though.