In what may be the dumbest episode of Criminal Minds we've yet covered, "A Thousand Words" is about a guy who calls in a suicide...his own! He turns out to be a serial killer with crappy full body tattoos that are key to solving the case. Dean Norris guest stars. The hosts feel the real doldrums of December podcasting, when video games, snow and movies about aquatic men beckon.

Back to basics as Deliver The Profile delves into "Magnificent Light", an episode about a self-help guy who probably causes more damage to the world than the serial killer who's obsessed with him. If that's not enough, the killer is one of those people who can naturally produce LSD, so he can see words! Witness the worst glowing word effects on television since Ghostwriter. Also witness the slow, plodding progress made in Season 8's interminable Replicator storyline. It allows the hosts to make fun of Mark Hamill's physical appearance so it's all good.

Happy Holidays (but NOT Merry Christmas) from everyone at Deliver The Profile!

That title means what you think it means: another Suspect Behavior episode. "Smother" has neither Smothers brother in it and instead has missing moms, inappropriate moms, breastbiting, video game playing, phone eavesdropping and vigils that shouldn't happen. The hosts are feeling good because it's the first time recording since SCOTT WALKER LOST RE-ELECTION. Celebrate good times, come on.

Wouldn't you rather be sleeping? That certainly is the case with "Awake", a Season 11 yawner about a man who's searching for his daughter and will prevent people who may know something from sleeping. This is thematically rich territory because J.J., fresh off maternity leave, is ALSO sleep-deprived. A J.J. episode. WONDERFUL. Be sure to listen all the way to the end, because this podcast has a special clip of Morgan and Rossi making fun of Reid that is well worth hearing.