The Reaper Saga is at its halfway point as we greet the return of The Fox, last seen in Season 1's "The Fox". "Outfoxed" is about our foxxy foe having an admirer whom the BAU must apprehend. Of course the podcast is barely about that, and is mainly about wrestling and Goofy's child rearing skills (or lack thereof). Be lucky you can listen to this episode, true believers: this one was almost lost to a catastrophic hardware failure! It's a miracle episode.
It's all about Boston in the Deliver The Profile covering "Omnivore", possibly the best episode of Criminal Minds. Wahlberg jokes, jokes about Boston's love of bigotry and Jameson abound.
Well, it finally happened: another show on the Korean version of Criminal Minds. Ronnie and Jazz poorly pronounce all sorts of names in Episode 3 of the 20 episode season, the Korean take on the Reaper saga. You'll notice the hosts have yet to cover the AMERICAN Reaper saga. Oops.
In "The Itch", a crazy guy thinks bugs are crawling under his skin. Cool, he's done drugs. This is the basis of an ENTIRE EPISODE of Criminal Minds, a Season 10 misfire that punches down on the fake disease afflicted. Ronnie explains members of the New Warriors to Jazz, they debate the existence of "silver foxes" and more fun stuff. Hey, it's the 175th episode of the podcast! What an accomplishment.
Because Ronnie is lazy, it's another Season 10 episode! This one, "X", is the premiere, and so we are introduced to Jennifer Love Hewitt of Ghost Whisperer fame. Will she distinguish herself from her colleagues or just be absorbed into the blob of bad dialogue and stiff characterization? I think you know the answer already.
"Scream"! Everybody "Scream"! That's the episode the podcast is covering today, and it's...[sigh]... about a guy who is trying to record the perfect scream. That's not all: Jennifer Love Hewitt's daughter/niece is meeting boys online, but more importantly JLH's husband is played by GREG GRUNBERG. Greg Grunberg? Greg Grunberg. Okay, sure, whatever.
The election may be over (or is it?), but Deliver The Profile's work has just begun. (In fact, there's probably enough CM episodes left over for four more years of podcasting.) This week's episode takes on "Rock Creek Park", a political-ish episode about a congressman's wife's kidnapping. Throughout the endeavor we learn more of Reid's skills, see him maybe sex a woman (well, he doesn't, but what if he did?), and watch Criminal Minds try to ape The Manchurian Candidate poorly. It's hunks, disfigured brothers and crazy interns all the way down.
In this episode, Ronnie and Jazz discuss Season 5's "The Uncanny Valley", one about a woman turning women into living dolls. But mainly it's an excuse to talk about Star Wars' own Jonathan Frakes, who makes an appearance in the show. And what an appearance it is! Beam me up, Scotty, am I right? The hosts try to answer the question you're all wondering: is "The Uncanny Valley" a good hour of television or is that just something our writers made up? The answer is...beyond belief.
Wedding season comes to Criminal Minds and the participants are who you least expect! Actually, that's a lie. But there's a lot of other things happening in this episode, "Run", such as Prentiss' departure, J.J. being a viking ninja cowboy over the fate of her son, a secret unsub, and more wealth porn courtesy of David Rossi. This ends Season 7--hope you survived the experience!
It's time to see Prentiss depart for the second time as Deliver The Profile covers the first part of the Season 7 finale, "Hit". Why pattern the robbers after the fucking Royal Flush Gang? Are we supposed to care about the fate of J.J.'s boyfriend? The Prentiss Interpol bullshit is still stupid. Ronnie and Jazz talk about that and more.
That's right, J.J. is going away for about a season, upon which she will make her triumphant return in Season 7. But until then, this is her official goodbye, as she's shunted off to the Pentagon to liaison with the DoD/hunt Osama bin Laden. There's also a case about a missing girl and a pair of boys who might've had something to do with it. But that's an afterthought compared to the real important work: passive-aggressively bitching at CBS for firing A.J. Cook.
It's back to the Criminal Minds salt mines with "The Internet is Forever", a Season 5 screed about the dangers of the Internet. It's pretty hypocritical to rail against it when the team uses it to solve all their cases. Anyway, there's J.J. botching a press conference, Rossi going mano y mano with another old man and Reid explaining how faces are basically math. It's a fun time for everyone.
Ronnie and Jazz take a break from Criminal Minds by reviewing the totality of the 13 episode Rachel Nichols starring procedural THE INSIDE! Like Criminal Minds, it's about a team of barely charismatic TV actors hunting down serial killers large (an obese cannibal) and small (a child). Is Rachel Nichols basically playing the same character she would play on Criminal Minds? Why is human toilet Adam Baldwin there? Is Peter Coyote a clever alias for Dick Wolf? These questions are answered, probably, in this week's DELIVER THE PROFILE.
Because you demanded it! Maybe. Ronnie and Jazz talk about Cats, the horrifying nightmare film that everyone hated last winter. But that's not all! They also discuss Season 6 finale "Supply and Demand", a sex/murder trafficking story so boring Ronnie completely Mandela Effected the ending. Also: the triumphant return of Nicholas Brendon, the ignominious departure of Ashley Seaver and and the return of a certain blonde.
The descent into Seaver Madness continues with "With Friends Like These...", a delightfully stupid tale about imaginary friends and how they can coerce insomniacs to kill. Seaver becomes an official member of the team finally and Reid continues to suffer from headaches. On the podcast front, the concept of "Jazz Classics" is introduced for your pleasure and edification.
In "Corazon", which is Spanish for some sort of spaceship, Reid has headaches, the team engages with Afro-Caribbean culture, and Seaver does little more than ask fairly obvious questions. Yep, sounds like a Criminal Minds all right. But this episode of Deliver The Profile is mainly concerned with who the Headless Horseman, what his deal is and what the relationship with Ichabod Crane is, in the TV show, the movie or the Washington Irving story. "You got a guy who sees through his horse? That's interesting. That's interesting writing."
It's another week of Seaver, but she doesn't do much of anything in the episode. What a shocker. Instead it's a Morgan showcase, in that he trusts an inmate (Kyle Secor) and is betrayed when the recently released kills a guy. What does this have to do with a business-ish man running for Congress? You'll learn. You'll also learn about Ronnie's carrot/stick baby picture system, the merits of Crossing Jordan and more.
So begins yet another theme month or so with DTP's foray into the Ashley Seaver episodes! How bad an actress is Rachel Nichols? How much do the hosts wish they were watching that one episode of X-Files? "What Happens At Home..." is about murders in a gated community. But it's really a means with which to introduce the newest profiler, a non-profiler named Ashley Seaver. She has the task of replacing J.J. as a girl and as a cast member and she does not do either well.
Deliver The Profile finishes business with "Unfinished Business", a Season 1 episode that is almost maybe good, in large part due to guest star Geoff Pierson. The Keystone Killer is back, and Geoff Pierson's obsessed with him. Will he and the BAU track down the killer? Well, what do you think?
This episode is a fucking trainwreck. Ronnie's high on Valium, "Poison" is boring dross, and the boys spend most of their time on tangents like what the Holy Trinity is and the efficacy of dick pills. "Poison" is about some guy dosing random people with LSD. Groovy, man? No, not groovy. Maybe they should've actually taken LSD before the recording. Oh well, live and learn.
We're baaaack! That's right, the only Criminal Minds podcast has returned to making new content and there's a lot of news to talk about: the Criminal Minds lawsuit, S.W.A.T. promising to not suck as much, Elmer Fudd losing his gun. There's also the matter of the episode "Amplification", about an anthrax outbreak that results from someone dropping lightbulbs. Is Dan Lauria better known for Smallville or The Wonder Years? Will Reid die of anthrax this episode? The fine folks at Deliver The Profile will answer all this and more.
Yes, we're back! Well, not really, because this show is actually from March but has been held back as the show went on an unintended hiatus due to COVID-19. Movie month(s) wraps up with a look at 2018's surprise tentacle hit, Venom! Who is Tom Hardy trying to impersonate? Why is the movie PG-13? Is Carlton Drake the dumbest villain ever? These questions and more are answered for YOUR edification, folks. Also, the first (but not last) appearance of Shemar Moore's SUPERFANS.
Movie month-or-so continues as Ronnie and Jazz cover one of their most hated movies ever: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles from 2014, the Platinum Dunes/Michael Bay one. The hideous monstrosity Turtles. Gone are the adorable animatronic suits and in their place are 7 foot tall behemoths made of CGI. Why does everybody want to fuck April O'Neil? Would this be better as a Street Sharks movie? Everyone knows Eric Sacks is 50, right? Also: the introduction of the creepiest villain in TMNT lore, Eric Sack.
Deliver The Profile's month of movies rolls on as Ronnie and Jazz make another excursion to the multiplex with Brahms: The Boy II. (Don't worry, this was recorded back when "going to the multiplex" was a fun, plausible activity.) The Boy is an ironic favorite of the boys, so can the sequel live up to the amusement the original brought? In a word: no. In more words: hell no.
Deliver The Profile goes to the movies in this first week of avoiding Criminal Minds. We begin with SONIC THE HEDGEHOG, the smash hit that is at least the best movie about James Marsden in a car talking to a CGI monstrosity. Who is this for? Who wanted this? Why isn't there any shout outs to the very vibrant Sonic fetish community? Why did Jim Carrey decide to do this? Ronnie and Jazz try to answer these and similar questions in their podcast over a half hour longer than the actual podcast.