Out of Chicago, the Deliver The Profile boys hit up Long Island as a blast from David Rossi's past threatens to, well, not do much of anything. It's really a metaphor about not letting yourself let hot pieces get away. It's actually one of the better Criminal Minds we've ever covered, because the BAU fails miserably at its remit and Reid isn't allowed to join the team in the field. It's astounding how far our standards have fallen.
The boys' trip to Chicago concludes in a weird episode about an unsub killing at the behest of an Internet radio show. Hey, we don't write this shit. Potentially more interesting is a subplot in which Rossi meets with his third ex-wife because she wants him to attend his daughter's wedding. The thing is, the husband to be might be an unsub in the making. Can Rossi stop the wedding in time? Seriously, we're doing this.
Ronnie and Jazz go to the movies, and this time it's the abominable locust themed film Jurassic World Dominion. To quote William Hurt in A History of Violence, "HOWWWW do you fuck THAT up?", that referring to a movie about dinosaurs in an uneasy coexistence with humans? Listen to the podcast to find out!
"Where's Hotch?" is over, so the boys are taking a two part trip to Chicago baby, Chi-ca-go. In "The Return", children are being recruited by some sort of boogerman to commit violent crimes against the police. This is stupid for a number of reasons, as Ronnie and Jazz will point out in the podcast, but "The Return" is an opportunity for Morgan to return to his old stomping grounds. Remember the time he got framed for serial murder and had to admit he got banged by Carl Buford? Good times. It was a better show back then; now we're in the doldrums of Season 9. Finally, Ronnie shares some really messed up trivia about one of the episode's guest stars. It's worth listening to, folks.
"Where's Hotch?" comes to an end and finally Ronnie and Jazz can stop with the Season 12 episodes already. "Elliott's Pond" is about some kids who go missing in a case that resembles an earlier child abduction. Wrapped up in all of this is Neil Phipps, the creep from Eagleheart. Will they find the kids or will their pictures end up on the "unavenged" side of the room? Find out on the latest Deliver The Profile.
In "The Anti-Terror(ism) Squad" the most vulnerable of us all are targeted: bullies. Will the Mindsers stop the threat to our treasured bullies or will, as is what usually happens, a bunch of people die until they ultimately stop an unsub that's holding someone at gunpoint?
Ronnie tries to convince Jazz all this episode is missing is the mythical creature the minotaur.
"Where's Hotch" continues with a tale as old as time: the collector of body parts who starts chucking them everywhere. Who is he, and does he have a brother? That's what the BAU intends to find out, and Ronnie and Jazz just want to make fun of the whole process.
Here it is, folks: the final episode of Aaron Hotchner's storied FBI career. Of course it wasn't designed that way, which the hosts will delve into over the course of "Sick Day", which nominally is a JJ episode. I know, I know, but we'll get through it together.
Ronnie and Jazz review a sicko for adults only film, Sonic the Hedgehog 2.
The boys review the most anticipated film of 2022, Morbius.
Ronnie and Jazz finally wrap up the Saga of the Womb Raider.
Ronnie and Jazz spend 40 minutes discussing the implications of Paramount Plus' revival of Criminal Minds getting a second wind.
Rossi teaches an undergraduate class about the Womb Raider in "Profiling 101", a format breaking episode that reminds us that format breaking doesn't necessarily mean good. Why name an unsub after a Tomb Raider porn parody? Also: Ronnie and Jazz went to see Scream aka 5Cream. That it wasn't its own episode or minisode speaks to how non-essential it was.
A few weeks ago I screwed up and mislabeled an episode as #211. Well, this is the actual 211, folks. "Bully" sees everybody going to Blake's hometown of Kansas City to solve some beating murders in which the victims are dressed in women's underwear. Someone's hunting J. Edgar Hoover!
The podcast runs a little short so time is spent on Ronnie and Jazz discussing the possibility of Ronnie owning a monkey.
Well, BAU Disassembled ends with the cast cast to the four corners of the Earth. Reid is teaching, Rossi is helping out on a film set, Lewis is helping out Mulder and Scully in couples counseling (no really), and Prentiss is on the rat squad. What could force the team back together? Well, a contrivance that none of them could individually tackle on their own, of course. Ronnie and Jazz are just happy another "theme" "month" is done and dusted.
The penultimate entry of BAU Disassembled occurs as "Annihilator" sees Linda Barnes (Binda) go out into the field to mess things up for the gang. A house of roommates and their companions are slaughtered. Who did it? Who cares, really, as the case is a means to an end: showing Binda is incompetent. Ronnie and Jazz suffer through the incompetence for you.
A-plot: Corpses are piling up in N'Awlins, the city that encourages all manner of vice up until the point of addiction.
B-plot: Prentiss goes to the principal's office.
Exciting sounding, doesn't it?
It's here! It's finally here! We're of course referring to the second episode of Menom on Venom, the occasional Deliver The Profile spinoff that deals with all things goopy and first personal plural usage. Since Venom DOES appear in the 138th MCU film, SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME, it is our sworn duty to give it a critical bashing. And this 150 minute nostalgia fisting deserves a bashing.
How shortchanged was Rhys Ifans? Why stop with a Sinister Five? Can the jokes cease for one fucking moment for some earnestness? Is the Thomas Haden Churchissance upon us? When did Happy Hogan become a pivotal member of the Spider-Man supporting cast? IS THE ENTIRE MOVIE A GREENSCREEN?
Find out the answers to these questions, as well as the return of Jazz's Food and Drink Corner, in a podcast almost as long as the movie itself!